Today we were back in church.
It was our second time since we moved back to the greatest country in the entire world.
(Seriously. Go live in a 3rd world country for a while, and tell me you don't love the good ol USofA. Our faults as a country aside, we are blessed to live here, and I am never leaving again)
(Really. I am never leaving again.)
(You can't make me.)
(Of course Jackson always says, "We will be in Texas for forever unless God calls us somewhere else.)
(Yes. That is my extremely wise 3 year old who reminds me often of how little my faith is and how big his faith is.)
Back to church.
Reader: Good for you for getting back on track. Are you A.D.D? I feel like you go off on tangents quite easily.
Yes. I am. I was diagnosed in middle school, but I was convinced that I just hated school and didn't care what the teacher was talking about, so I spit my medicine out and hid it behind my bed...
These days, I believe my diagnosis because I constantly find myself trying to listen in on three different conversations all at once.
Guatemala was a restful time in my life because I couldn't understand other people's conversations, and therefor could not go all A.D.D on them.
Reader: I realize this is my fault, but let's get back to the topic at hand again. You were saying something about church when I lovingly brought you off topic.
Today was our second week back at church, and so far all I can think about while I am sitting in church is how blessed I am to be in a building with amazing worship.
Here are two things you should know about Guatemalans, in general: They can memorize scripture like no one's business, but they cannot carry a tune to save their lives.
Bad bad music.
I used to tell the kids when we would pull up to the farm and they would have the microphones out signing that they sounded like cats dying.
Now, there are the few exceptions, and we met some of those exceptions, but for the most part, God gave Guatemalan's the amazing ability to read a few verses and then immediately spit them back out with no problem, and made them tone deaf all at the same time.
For this reason, we did not do much worshiping in Guatemala, and for this same reason, I am forever grateful for the worship at our church.
Worship music is my love language to God.
This is my most favorite way to feel close to him, and not having it for almost two years was really hard.
I am happy to be back and singing.
But alas, I am sinful. I cannot always focus during church.
Reader: No! I don't believe it! I thought you were perfect!!
I know. I am super close to perfect. I understand why you would think that.
Can I tell you one of my biggest pet peeves?
Do you ever dread going to church and having "the loud and horrible but thinks they are good" singer stand behind or near you?
The "I am singing loudly because I think I am an amazing singer, but actually I sound extremely horrible. No one ever told me this, so I shall continue to sing loudly and proudly."
That person pisses me off.
I literally cringe when I get near that person.
In fact, there are a few categories of singers that I do not like to stand next to in church, but only the above one really pisses me off.
Here are the different types of singers you can meet at church:
The Loud/Proud/Horrible Singer: We have covered this one above. My least favorite. They make me angry. They make me want to slap someone in church. This singer gives me a crick in my neck as I constantly turn my head and look at them to let them know that they are singing too loudly. They never understand why I am giving them dirty looks. They never stop singing loudly. They probably pray for me because my dirty looks lead them to believe that I am not saved. What kind of Christian gives dirty looks during worship? This one.
The Loud/Proud/Good Singer: This one also pisses me off a bit. I enjoy hearing them because they are, in fact, good. The part that bugs me is that they know they are good, so they sing extra loud for all to hear. Oh! They also piss me off because since they can sing, they like to add parts to the music that were not in fact written into the music. Just stick with the song! Don't add extra stuff at the end of each sentence!
The Quiet As A Mouse Singer: I used to stand next to our friend in church. Her husband is now a worship leader at a different church. I could never hear her. I would kind of bend my knees to get closer to her mouth (she is shorter than me), but I could never hear her. It drove me crazy because my curiosity (or A.D.D) had control over me, and I just had to know if she had as good of a voice as her husband did. Still, to this day, I don't know if she can actually sing or not.
The Non Singer: Now, I get that if the spirit isn't moving, you shouldn't sing words that you don't mean to our Lord. But to those of you being just straight up lazy, open your mouth and sing. Or at least open your Bible and pretend you are reading or something during church.
The Throw Your Hands Up In The Air And Wave Them Like You Just Dont Care Singer: I like this singer. I like to throw mine up in the air every now and then. If the spirit is moving, get down with your bad self, just don't go crazy...this brings me to my next singer.
The Dance Like There Is No Tomorrow Singer: I have only seen this a few times, and I do think that these people were worshipping Jesus, but my goodness is it distracting. It's one thing to put your hands up and move them around a little bit, but I have seen a few that look like they might be having seizures. I still smile, and love it because they are definitely worshiping the Lord, but there have been a few times where I have gotten a bit concerned.
The Stand, Raise Your Hands Every Now And Then, Sing At A Normal Volume, Don't Get Too Excited Singer: This is me. I try not to sing too loudly because I don't want to distract others. I put my hands in the air when I want to, but still do so in a conservative way, and bounce a little bit to the beat, but you will never see me dance. This is my husband too. We do it just right. We are perfect.
Reader: Wow! Remind me to never stand next to your or near you at church!! Could you be more judgmental?!?! My goodness gracious!
I am a horrible person.
We all know for sure now that I have A.D.D because I am clearly easily distracted.
I have been working on this.
I try really hard to just close my eyes these days and focus on the lyrics.
It also helps that our church has such loud music that we can't really hear ourselves sing anyways.
I'm glad to be back.