We started foster care because I wanted a black baby.
I wanted my own version of 'The Blind Side.'
There. I said it.
I'm just being honest.
Many have called it a fault of mine.
Some have claimed I am hilarious because of it.
I think I am just inappropriate.
I say what most people know not to say.
I think black, asian, indian and hispanic babies are all cuter than white babies.
I have my own white baby.
She's 3 months old today.
I think she's adorable, but she's no black baby.
Black babies are the most beautiful babies in the world.
So, I started foster care because I wanted a black baby of my own.
I wanted to take care of children who needed help, of course, but if I'm being honest, which is what I do, I wanted to end up with my own colored baby.
(I mean colored in the sense that I would have been happy with asian, hispanic, indian, or black.)
We actually told our foster agency that we didn't want white babies.
Their response was one of confusion.
I quickly learned that I was a complete tool.
Some of the things that these children endure are horrific, and my heart started to change from complete selfishness to only partial selfishness.
I wanted to give them everything that their parents couldn't or wouldn't give them.
I wanted to cuddle them, kiss, them, feed them, burp them, teach them, smile at them, talk to them, bathe them, rock them to sleep, nurture them..
I wanted to save them.
You see, I wanted to ride in on my white horse, in my white skin, with my own white family and save the day.
I thought I was the answer.
Thankfully, as God has worked on my heart through my amazing sister in law, other foster friends from church, and our sweet Dre Bay going back to his birth mom, I have realized that I am, in fact, not the answer.
(Insert 'Duh' comment here)
But seriously. I am not their mom.
God did not make me their mom.
He made their birth mom their mom.
I am not the savior of these children.
Sure, I will be there to do all of those things while their mom cannot.
I will be there if their mom cannot get better.
I will be there if she doesn't want to get better.
I will love her child like he/she is my own child.
(Even if it's a white child.)
But her child, these children that we will love and care for down the road, should not be my children.
I should not be the final answer.
I should not be the best choice in the end for that child.
Children are meant to be with their mommas.
Their real moms.
Of course, in many cases, this is not possible.
I completely get that and praise the Lord for adoption!
But what about the instances where it is possible?
What if we, as believers, decided to work with the moms to help them get better?
What if instead of secretly hoping we get to keep their babies, we pray on our knees for them to kick the drug habit, get out of the abusive relationship, learn how to love like they were never loved?
What if we love them, like we love their babies?
What if we love them like Jesus loves us?
What if we cast aside our fears of safety and actually form a relationship with the birth mom?
What if we request to meet the birth mom/birth parents and say to them, "We are on your side. We want you to succeed. We will love your child while you fight against this hardship and sin, but we want you to know that we are here for you. We are praying for you. We want your child to be with you. Your child is meant to be with you."?
What if we fostered relationships with these parents and then were able to rejoice when the Lord reunited them with their child instead of shedding tears when this child, whom we have grown to love, leaves our house and goes back into a home that we know nothing about?
What if we stop judging and start loving?
These mothers chose life for their babies.
Do you know how easy it is to abort these days?
It's super easy.
But these mothers did not abort.
They chose life for THEIR babies.
They wanted life for their babies, but life got in the way.
Sin got in the way.
Sin that can be super hard to overcome.
So I guess I don't want my own black baby anymore if it is at the cost of his or her momma not getting better.
I want reunification.
I want sanctification.
I want celebration as families come back together.
I want us, as the body of christ, to think about the birth mom.